Sunday, June 6, 2010

Weaned from Wandering in Worldly Wonder - Psalm 131

"O LORD, my heart is not proud,
nor my eyes haughty;
nor do I involve myself in great matters,
or in things too difficult for me.
Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child rests against its mother,
my soul is like a weaned child within me.
O Israel, hope in the LORD
from this time forth and forever."
(Psalm 131)

Over the course of the past two weeks I have been utterly amazed at the timing of landing here in the Psalms of ascent. Just being flat out honest - life has been dark for me recently - blindingly dark. As, I shared in my last post, the previous psalm in many ways is the psalm of the past 13 months for me. I have been in the depths - deep depths! I have cried out to God for mercy - at times uncertain of whether He was even there to hear. I have been made painfully aware of my sinfulness and have seen His merciful lovingkindness poured out to me where His wrath should have gushed forth! I have been made to wait upon the Lord - for quite some time and while waiting I have hoped in His Word. The lessons I have learned in that precious Word - many of which have flown off of my fingers onto this blog - have truly been an anchor for a soul that has been so violently adrift at sea. My friends, Lori Sealy has been in the midst of a spiritual war of epic proportions and I have, by grace - by NOTHING but grace - been kept in this overwhelming flood and have been enabled to wait and watch for His redeeming rescue.

My Redeemer has come! The Psalms of ascent - the Psalms of those who sing on their way to worship their Redeemer - have truly been my Psalms. At this moment in my life I own these words, by sheer grace and by perfectly planned providence. Today is no exception. Today is, yet again, the cry of my heart and the testimony of my circumstance. Several particulars grabbed me as I meditated this day.

1. David has been humbled. "O LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty."

I have had both a proud heart and haughty eyes in my life - they have been smashed upon the altar of affliction. For 13 months our gracious God has been orchestrating those things which would humble me. He has been proving to me that, in and of myself, I have ZERO to be proud of and even less to hold onto haughtily. What do I have that He has not given? Only my sin - and surely there is nothing in that blackness in which to boast!

With David, because of the hard path God has had me walk upon I can, this day honestly cry out "O LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty." I am thankful, beyond measure, for His mercies in putting me in my rightful place and helping me to view myself with sober judgment.

2. David has learned to avoid crossing over the line. "Nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me."

Personally, this was a very, very precious word. I have often acknowledged that I think far too much, question far to often, and doubt far more than I should. Deuteronomy 29:29 has recently become a recurring mantra for me:

"The secret things belong to the LORD our God,
but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever,
that we may observe all the words of this law."

I know that my natural inclination is to try and cross over the line and enter into the land of the secret rather than in contentedly meditating in the land of the revealed. God, has been driving me out of His secret land and forcing my hand to go to work in my own - the revealed land which belongs to me. There is much that is too difficult for me to comprehend. There are many things about God that are greater than my ability to understand. This finite one cannot contain the infinite ONE and I am wasting my time trying!! Besides, there is plenty for me to feast upon in the pages of His word - more than I will ever fully fill up on in this life. What is contained on that provided plate is completely sufficient for all of life and godliness - I need nothing more. I am learning to revel in the revealed and to marvel that there are secret things - which simply point me to the infinite majesty of my great God!!

3. David has become as a weaned child - content and resting where he once craved and wrestled. "Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother; my soul is like a weaned child within me."

OK - so here's the daily jackpot for me. For years I have read over these verses. I have seen the analogy. I have quoted it to others. Today, for the first time, I got it!! It is mine!! This illustration is my life!!

I have two children. I have nursed them both. Both were greedy little root hogs - particularly Joshua. If they got near a bosom - even one that was not my own - they were looking for the goods, going for the grub, searching for the source - in a greedily unrelenting fashion! But once they were weaned they could relax in peace - happy simply to be in my presence. They slept still and content where they had once sniffed and struggled and striven. Being weaned, they were satisfied to rest upon my breast.

Wow! I have been a milk hungry root hog!! I have fought and wrestled and conived and even contrived ways to get to my God and to apprehend those things (even good things - like a firm faith) which I have longed for from Him. I have, like Jacob, sought to wrestle with omnipotence in order to get the blessing from Him. I have, like Jacob, been wounded in the process - wounded wonderfully!!

God has been weaning me since April of 2009 and I think He's succeeded! (Who would've thunk it?!) I am now finding myself content in my inabilities and resting in the strong arms that have sustained me thus far. Being sanctified has satisfied and I am finding great comfort in composing and quieting my soul to rest in His righteousness.

That may not make any sense at all to you - but it is the very essence of what is happening to me. For 13 months I have wrestled with great, great doubt - doubt as to the very existence of the God who has made me and saved me. I have sought to fight my own way out of my doubt. I have sought to faithfully use the means of grace to get to Him. And yet I have been the one seeking to work the grace in order to get where I wanted and needed to be. He has let me fall and falter in order to remind me that faith is not a good I can get but that it is a gift that He gives. He has humbled me by teaching me that faith will never be completely free of faithlessness this side of heaven - and I need to accept that. There is no perfection in the land of sanctification - I am not yet glorified but I will be!! Faith will be made sight on the final day. Here, under the sun, I believe but have great need of my Father to help me with my unbelief. That's exactly what He is doing - He is helping me to be OK with my unbelief and increasing my mustard seed faith along the way.

This psalm is dear to me - because it is real to me. I am being weaned from wandering over the Deuteronomy 29:29 line into worldy wonder. The haughty heroine has been humbled and quieted and stilled and weaned and is finally finding rest on the breast. Free!! Not free from my sin, but free in Him even with my sin!!

No wonder the psalm ends with these words:

"O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forever."

I am hoping - and happy to be here.

In His glorious grace, on His strong breast,


  1. Thank you, Lori, for your honest words that have encouraged my heart time and time again. I am currently in a dark fog similar to what you've described, and God's working in your heart has given me hope and truth to cling to.